


I Hate to Have to Say It, but I Very Firmly Feel

by Captain of the Seven Skies (Rikkamaru)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikkamaru/pseuds/Captain%20of%20the%20Seven%20Skies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another prophecy was made about Allen. A little less than a century later, it traumatizes Lavi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate to Have to Say It, but I Very Firmly Feel

One day, during a moment of levity, as Komui and Lavi were talking with Hevlaska, the woman paused and cocked her head to the side, as if bemused. Komui paused in his talking and looked at her in concern. "Is everything alright, Hevlaska?"

She seemed uncertain and amused, but the parasitic Innocence Accommodator answered his question nonetheless. "It appears that young Allen Walker has been given a rather…dubious prophecy."

"Oh?" Komui asked, and Lavi perked up in interest. "And what is it?"

Hevlaska seemed to struggle for a moment, then simply gave up and let an amused air surround her. "It would appear that, at some point in the next century, a play shall be created. Within that play shall be a song that will near-perfectly depict the relationship between Allen Walker and the Black Order."

There was a confused pause between the other two as they processed her words, before Komui cheerfully clapped Lavi on the back. "I guess you'll just have to see for yourself, ne Lavi?"

Lavi felt a foreboding chill rup up his back, but gulped and nodded in agreement. "It can't be that accurate, can it?" he asked in faux-cheer.

Hevlaska's answering laugh did not reassure him.

* * *

It could, Lavi realized with honest horror, eyes locked onto the stage in the front of the room. It _could_ be that accurate. And it _was_.

" _When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused, and I never know exactly where I am."_

" _Unpredictable as weather."_

" _She's as flighty as a feather."_

" _She's a_ darling _."_

" _She's a_ demon _."_

" _She's a_ lamb _."_

This made Lavi think about all of the times Allen had ripped off people with a flash of cards and a smile, getting their money, clothes, and firstborn children – the last one more out of curiosity to see if they would actually follow through on their end of the deal. To the horror of many of the Black Order members, some of them had, making Allen the godfather to about 15 different children that all adored him.

Lavi found himself sinking lower and lower into his seat as the song continued, wishing he'd taken Hevlaska's prophecy as a warning to not see musicals during the 20th century.

" _She'd out-pester any pest."_

" _Drive a hornet from its nest."_

" _She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl."_

Yuu came to mind, Allen bringing him to a boiling point with an ease that bordered on an art form. The scene he thought up had the two in one another's face, Yuu shouting profanity and Allen digging thousands of verbal pitfalls that Yuu fell into gracelessly.

Komui also came to mind, as Allen began baiting the man after a while by spurring on his sister-complex and playing spy for him to Lenalee's various "dates" for his own amusement.

For the love of all that is holy, when will this song _end_?

" _She is gentle; she is wild."_

" _She's a riddle; she's a child."_

" _She's a_ headache _."_

" _She's an_ angel _."_

" _She's a_ girl _."_

Now, Lavi had been holding up admirably to the rather traumatizing memories that he'd been bombarded with throughout the entire song. But that last line broke him, because it made a thought occur to him. 'Allen already fits this song perfectly. What would have happened if Allen had been a _female_?' Protecting what remained of his sanity suddenly became Lavi's main priority.

Needless to say, the local paper the next day had a rather comical story on the front page about a man running out of the theater screaming near the beginning of the play "The Sound of Music".

**Author's Note:**

> Yep. I was listening to the song when I realized that it fit Allen and the Black Order perfectly. And then, as I was considering how hilarious it would be as a YouTube music video, the idea for this fic came to mind, so I wrote it


End file.
